The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
