OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
