In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
