I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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