my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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