We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Randomize
