Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
