you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
We have started to decorate penises.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
