Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
