Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Even the bartender felt bad for me
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
