I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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