Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
