Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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