i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
