There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
