I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
