im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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