Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Randomize
