We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
