PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
