so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
