You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
