i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
