dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
