Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
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