Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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