Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
