well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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