I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
