his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
They took my balls.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
40s are totally the cure
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
The cops high fived after they tackled you
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
