I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
