I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
