Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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