dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
