I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
