The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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