where does the pee come out of this thing
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
