When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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