I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
