the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
