I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
