i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
