We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
