I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Can I color on your dick again?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
