I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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