guys are only as good as the porn they watch
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
