I like to think it a success when the cops are called
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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