I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
