I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i came on her dog
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
