I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
