There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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