I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You may now shotgun with the bride
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
